In my first draft I need to provide more analysis for my quotations, work on the information in my thesis paragraph, and integrate my quotes into my writing more efficiently.
I think my evidence and quotes need the most work. In one of my quotes I did not analyze it so I need to do that and connect it to the rest of my paper so that it supports my argument. One of my quotes is from a man who tested positive for HIV/AIDS retelling his experiences. I could find a quote that is from a more professional source. Finally my thesis paragraph has some information in it that would sound much better somewhere else, so I need to fix that.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
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